Life Awaits š
Life awaits
I took my dog for a walk this week along the Henry Hudson Trail section that hugs the rocky shore of the Raritan Bay, the end of Sandy Hook curling in the distance. I didnāt arrive until close to 5:00 and the trail was deeply shaded so I was happy Iād grabbed a warmer jacket on the way out. We set off, the dog dragging me down the path, which heads towards a cutting into the bay thatĀ points towards New York City in the distance. A fishing boat bobbed not far off in the late afternoon chop with the long span of the Verrazano Bridge, linking Brooklyn to Staten Island, looming off in the distance.Ā
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While we walked, I listened to the latest episode of the Kelly Corrigan Wonders podcast, which a pal had urged me to listen to. The host has had the author and Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist (and my all-time goddamn hero), Anna Quindlen, on for a series of conversations about weighty life topics, and this weekās episode touched on tricky family dynamics and the subject of aging.Ā
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Quindlen shared that her 2013 book, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake,Ā had originally been subtitled, āA Memoir of Aging,ā until her publisher pulled that last bit. āIt made them nervous,ā Quindlen said about the reference to ā God forbid ā getting older.Ā
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Iāve been thinking a lot about that very subject lately asĀ I contemplateĀ my own approach to 55Ā in August. On Tuesday, I received a job offer for a position that required five rounds of interviews and one cognitive aptitude test, and until the recruiter started using words on the call like, āexcited,ā I really wasnāt sure which way it was going to go. Before I picked up her call I had given myself a pep talk and steeledĀ myself for rejection.
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I told her I was thrilled with the offer and after we discussed some details, I hung up and immediately texted my four kids the news. āFUCK YES,ā my oldest, whoās 28, immediately shot back, which was quickly followed by his 27-year-old sister, āOMG YAY MOM,ā she said. āYou worked so hard that!!ā Kid #3 chimed in, āSO HAPPY FOR YOU SISTER,ā and the baby called from school to say, āGO, MOM!!ā
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Throughout the weeks-long interview process, Iād conferred with my oldest son on numerous occasions about best practices, since he seems to be pretty expert on the subject based on his career successes. Heās gone through a number of jobs since he graduated from school six (!!!) years ago and always seems to have feelers out for new and better sales opportunities.Ā
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Heās pretty much worked the whole time in tech so knew the company I was interviewing with and was impressed each time I moved on to the next level of the process. He helped me on developing some questions to ask my interviewers and when I was awaiting the news, Iād share messages Iād received from various people from the company to ask him if he thought they sounded positive.Ā
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When he got the news that Iād been offered the position, he texted me separately, āOH MY GOD!!!ā and immediately called to congratulate me.
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As I talked to each one of the kids that morning, I made a joke about teaching old dogs new tricks. āDonāt ever let them tell you that you canāt reinvent yourself at 54,ā I told them.
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Because thatās what I did. I dug deep. I wanted that job. I needed that job. And because I had already worked with the hiring manager in various capacities over the last 20 years and we really liked each other, I knew I at least had a foot in the door and that my age wouldnāt immediately knock me out of the running. That if I could prove I had the skills they needed for the role, that I would be on equal footing with younger candidates with more traditional resumes of moving from one full-time job to the other over a decade.Ā
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Iāll be honest: I applied to three other jobs while I was interviewing for the one I eventually landed. I wanted the Universe to know I was serious about my search and also, they were all really cool positions that I would have been really interested in exploring and no more of a stretch than my now job-to-be. I wrote strong cover letters and attached what I believed to be a kick-ass resume and pushed the SEND button and waited for someone to get in touch.
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I never heard a peep. Despite 25 years as a professional writer with a lot of experience producing all forms of marketing content and extensive reporting, I never heard from one hiring manager to follow up on my application.
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On Friday, I went to my dermatologist for some Botox because, well, Iām an asshole, and despite being pissed off by our youth-obsessed culture and how society seems to want to put all women over 50 out to pasture ā to let us just roam around bumping into each other and eating grass and talking about how we somehow no longer measure up toĀ cultural expectations of what is desirable ā I am a part of the problem. Of all the things I could have treated myself to, to celebrate my new job ā like a new handbag or pair of shoes ā I instead chose to pay to have someone inject poison into my forehead to give the slight illusion of younger days for a few months.
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I told the doctor as she was poking a needle into those deep creases between my eyebrows the news about my job and she seemed flabbergasted that I was about to embark on a new career. We talked about how rigorous the interview process had been and she asked if I thought my age had ever been an issue.
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Initially, I was taken aback. Here is a successful woman, perhaps 10 years my senior, who had just gotten through telling me about her place in Florida where she was headed the following day as she pumped poison into my forehead at hundreds of dollars a pop.Ā
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She quickly apologized, she didnāt want me to think I was old, but explained that sheād been told about ageism in the workforce. āI heard itās a real thing,ā she told me,Ā blotting the spots of blood off my brow.
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As the dog and I approached the marina where we turn around and head back to our car, I noticed a man ahead with binoculars strapped around his neck who had stopped to peer off towards the water. At that section of the trail, the paved pathway cuts straight through about a quarter mile patch of tall reeds, which grow high along the shore. I noticed movement at the top of the straw-colored stalks and paused my podcast to investigate.
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I was greeted with a bird happy hour in full swing. Small chicks flitted across the tops of the reeds, which were bathed in golden late-afternoon sunlight. As they bounced around they filled the air with clicks and chirrups as they called back and forth to each other. As the dog and IĀ walked down the path, surrounded by the tall reeds closing in on each side, it was like we were a part of the party, like weād been swallowed in the joyous racket of song.
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I kept the sound off for the rest of my walk. I listened to the small waves lapping atop the rocky shore and watched two ducks float just past the break, Manhattanās Freedom Tower blinking far off in the distance.
Five years ago, 10 years ago at that hour, I'd have been home making dinner or driving somebody somewhere. Busy. Distracted. Trying to get through to the end.
But now, at 54, I am right where I am supposed to be with a dog and some ducks in the late afternoon light, my whole life open to what awaits.
xoAmy
P.S.: KEEP SCROLLING FOR MORE BELOW!!
FRIDAY FAVES: read-watch-cook-buy
An upside to being so old is that my kids have great jobs and buy me generous gifts for holidays. My daughter gave me this great bag for Christmas that I finally got to use a few weeks ago for a getaway to Vermont. I love the zip compartment at the bottom that's just right for shoes and that it has an outside sleeve to slip over a suitcase handle to really enable my penchant for overpacking (everyone who's ever traveled with me is rolling her eyes). The company is giving 30% off right now with 5% earmarked in support ofĀ Girls Inc., an organization that inspires all girls to be strong, smart, and bold through direct service and advocacy.
Today is Day 30 of Whole 30 and it wasn't horrible. I lost about five pounds, cleaned up my diet and feel all-around better. Except, ahem, my digestive system. It seemedĀ confused by the cessation of whole grains in my diet and seemingly decided to shut down and wait it out, despite A LOT OF FIBER coming into me. Not good. A friend dropped off a Ziploc bag filled with these magic capsules and I have no idea what the heck they are but only that they are highly effective. Like, don't make plans, effective.Ā
Running out of Whole 30 dinner ideas? I get it. When I just couldn't cook one more thing, I headed over to The Blonde Shallot in Little Silver to grab some fixings to make carb-free meals. This week, my daughter and I put her Chicken Piccata Meatballs over zucchini noodles and topped it with a little Costco pesto (omg it is my go-to condiment), and damn, that was a yummy dinner.
Here's another dinner we made a few times.
Ā Ā Ā *Includes link to affiliate site who might compensate me if you purchase their product.