This essay was going to be so much better
Moon over midlife
This morning I woke up at 6:00 and wrote what I thought was a nice essay about walking under the fall moonlight in my adopted town. How the vibe here has shifted as we move into Q4, and then I made a joke about being able to say those kinds of things, now that I’m a full-fledged member of Corporate America.
It was all very nice and I was wrapping up the essay when my computer crashed and reminded me why I absolutely hate Microsoft Word. And myself, for that matter, for not saving the document at some point as I was writing.
Anyhoo, I don’t have the wherewithal to do it again, so you’ll just have to imagine how great it was. Here are the salient points I wanted to disseminate:
My oldest turns 30 this week and it has me thinking about the past. Where I was at the same age – married, with a 2yo and 3yo and finally seeing the light at the end of the baby tunnel. But also, desperate to crawl back in, and had just had my first miscarriage a few months earlier. I’m thinking about the weight of responsibilities back then that I kept piling on, vs how light that load is on me today. And how good that feels.
This week also marks two years since I had my last glass of alcohol. Getting sober really opened up my life to a lot more than a bottle of Italian red had to offer, and that’s really saying something (says the former me). I got a real live grown lady job and sold my house and moved to some random town that turns out to be just right for where I am in my life right now. Drinking seltzer while everyone else drinks booze has been a small price to pay for getting to live the life I really wanted to live.
One of the things sobriety has given me is the wherewithal to finish a manuscript. Or at least, the first draft of one. I finally learned the secret to writing a book – you sit on your butt every day and do the work. Day after day after day. Months and months of getting up at 5 a.m. to try to write at least 500 shitty words. Who knows what will happen, but it feels really good to check something off my bucket list that’s been there since I was, like, 10.
The essay ended with me telling you about how the moon was still at it again last night. Big and fat in the sky and so bright. On Fridy night as the dog and I walked along the boardwalk, the moonlight spilled across the ocean and rolled right up onto the sand. It was much colder out last night, so the dog and I didn’t make it to the boardwalk. We turned and walked south a few blocks and then looped back toward home.
We passed a lady in front of a big beach house crouched in the corner of her front yard putting the finishing touches on an impressive skeleton diorama, with lots of props for them to work with and headstones scattered about. As we passed, I yelled, “I love it!” and she waved.
In the past, I have been guilty of spending a lot of time f-ing around with skeletons doing things outside my house and taping CAUTION tape to the front door that pulled off so much paint when we took it down in November.
As we walked up the steps to our front porch, I thought how nice it was to be in this rental and not even know where my Halloween stuff was. It’s all in a box somewhere under a lot of other random and useless things, and that’s okay. I’m happy not to be spending my time focusing on those things. I’m happy that this year, I’m pouring all my creative energy into projects that I’ve been wanting to do forever but couldn’t get my act together to get them done.
Please, oh please, let me make hitting “Save” a part of that more productive routine.
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SUNDAY SHARES: Read, watch, cook, buy
Guys, I have so many things nowadays that I’m obsessed with, I don’t know where to start. I’ll just go with the most recent discoveries.
My mom has been pushing the AllBirds for my sad feet and then bought me a pair to take on a recent getaway to Vermont and everyone, the hype is real. They are super comfortable. I went on a long hike, which seemed to only go uphill, and when we got home my big arthritic toes (sexy!) were sad. After a shower, I slipped on the AllBirds, and it was kind of like giving my feet a nice, long hug.
It is 100% candle season here at the beach. My shipment of 6 that I ordered from Bath & Bodyworks arrived this week and if I could, I'd light them all at the same time. My perennial favorite is Marshmallow Fireside but Leaves is giving my fave scent a run for its money lately. This week’s sale is not as good as last week, but it’s still $10 off for one.
I cook absolutely nothing for myself other than air-frying broccoli every once in a while to go with pre-grilled chicken. Talk about zero responsibilities. But I am a saucy kind of person, I like a something on the side. So I made this Tahini sauce this week and I put it on absolutely everything, even chili which sounds gross but, Tahini sauce.
Last night, I finished Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow. So, so good. Love, loss and video games. I thought I would be a generation too old for the book, not having grown up playing video games, but that’s like saying, “Oh, I won’t like it because I missed the Civil War.” Highly recommend.
Think I was able to finish a 200-page manuscript with zero accountability? Ha. We must not have met. The only way – the absolute ONLY way – I ever could have printed that thing out this week to give a first round to my readers, was by being a part of Project Write Now’s Incubator program. It’s a year-long commitment with a small cohort of fellow writers that meet on a regular basis and commiserate over Slack about just how hard it is to write a book. But most importantly, they’re also standing along the sidelines and cheering you across the finish line, no matter how ugly that finish may be. Applications for next year’s program are being accepted now and there’s another virtual open house on Nov. 16. If you have always wanted to write a book but couldn’t figure out how to do it, I could not recommend this program more.
When I was away with college friends in Vermont, I was jealous of all of the “tops” they put on for dinner each night, while I dressed like I was a 5yo boy whose mom had to use up a lot of Old Navy reward points. So this week, I took myself to Bungalow Road right here in Avon. Gah! So many good tops for ladies like us. I bought one little sleeveless number for a party next weekend and another with a subtle animal print body and really pretty embroidering on the puffy sleeves. I also grabbed the perfect pair of fatter, brushed gold hoops that Instagram tells me is trendy to pair with my new fancy tops. These descriptions are not doing them justice so just go see for yourself (they also have stores in Sea Bright and Atlantic Highlands). We will look like grown up ladies together.
OMG I forgot the funniest thing that happened recently: John Cena (pro wrestler, actor and former rapper -- according to Wikipedia) followed me on Twitter. I mean, it's def his PR people and his account also follows 444k other people, but still. Not to brag (she bragged), but I'm also randomly followed by Taye Digs, so that's weird. My kids almost barfed laughing about the latest follow.
Finally, thank you to everyone who has reached out over the last 10 months to make sure I was still alive, or who wrote to tell me they missed their Sunday missives from midlife I send out. It’s always good to know I'm not alone as I muck my way through. Hugs to you all.
Wow. Thanks for reading. Seriously, you're the best.
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