Trying this post-kids life on for size
Trying this new life on for size
Here’s a funny text I got from my daughter this week:
Amy: says she is doing nothing today
Also Amy: is at the Short Hills Mall
I had told my two daughters when we spoke before the long MLK weekend that I was planning on doing absolutely nothing on that Monday we all had off.
“I just want one day of lying on the couch in my pajamas,” I told them when we Facetimed on Friday afternoon.
Then I got a bee in my bonnet Monday morning to go test drive cars and called my sister to see if she was in. Luckily, my sister is always down for a good caper. She said she’d go, and then asked if we could swing by a fancy mall afterward to answer to a bee buzzing inside her bonnet. And we were off.
By the end of the day, I’d have a deposit down on a car that was smaller than any vehicle I had driven in the last 30 years, and my sister had a new necklace dangling at her throat in honor of her pending 50th birthday.
A few weeks ago, I found out I couldn’t extend the lease on the car my son has about four hours away at school, as I had originally planned. The lease is up on March 1 and I just didn’t feel like going through the hassle of A: figuring out what to do next or B: doing the whole price research and negotiating thing.
My auto fleet is significantly smaller (and more mechanically sound) than it has been during certain periods since my kids started driving about 13 years ago. There was the Honda Civic we bought used that got banged up serving as a late-night food delivery vehicle for someone during college. We had the Mercury Mountaineer that I bought off our friends for like $400 that both the girls loved driving locally to work and school but I worried any time it needed to go somewhere by highway.
I drove a GMC Acadia whose transmission started to give out and would start shuddering during drives. As we made our final journey to a dealership about 30 minutes away to trade her in for a Subaru station wagon, I drove in the right lane with my hazards flashing.
For the past few years, my fleet has been much more manageable, with a Honda CRV for me and the Civic that my youngest kid uses for work and now to drive himself to school.
He called me on the way back to school after Thanksgiving, to tell me he’d just hit a deer on some side road in Nowhere Pennsylvania that Waze had rerouted him to. Once I learned he and his friend were fine, I asked if there was any damage to the car. “Just some fur in the fender,” he reported, which sounded gross but gave me some relief that I wouldn’t be whacked with end-of-lease fees for any damage.
It wasn’t until he was getting ready to go back to school after the holidays that I thought to look at the front of the Civic, and saw a rip in the bumper. When I asked my son why he didn’t tell me about it, he said he didn’t think it was a big deal, blissfully unaware of the rules around returning leased cars in good condition.
Here’s the beauty of all of that: it helped me see that if anyone was getting a new car, it was me. My son can take my trusty and beloved CRV (named Brenda) back to school, and I’d find something for myself.
I started going down deep internet holes researching cars and everything seemed so big or so expensive and on top of that, nothing really spoke to me. Then my sister and I started talking about these smaller cars and the bees started buzzing and that’s how we landed at a dealership about 40 minutes away test driving cars on Monday.
After the whole negotiating numbers dance, my sister and I headed to the fancy mall to roam around and touch things, which is when my daughter stalked me on my phone and had a laugh that I did not end up on my couch that day.
That night, I texted the girls a picture I took of the car on the lot, and told them I was thinking about bringing it home.
“You’re becoming a 2-door woman?” my younger daughter texted.
I sent back an emoji of a woman shrugging her shoulders and the text, “Midlife crisis?”
She answered, “I can tell.”
Later when we all Facetimed about it, she asked if I was really sure about driving such a small car for the next three years, or if this was just a manic decision I’d come to regret.
“I just want to make sure this isn’t like the Instapot incident,” she said, referring to the trendy appliance I insisted I needed, although it required a lot of storage space in the small kitchen, and then only used to make oatmeal on occasion and gave away when we were moving.
They’ve now taken to calling my new car “Mom’s clown car,” and wondering how I am going to squeeze all four of my 5’10” children (everyone is around the same height) into my new car or bring home big IKEA hauls.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it suited my current needs. I work from home and days go by when I only leave the house to walk the dog. Also, this small car kind of fits the whole new vibe of my life. I am someone who spent 30 years hauling other people around and is now left with only transporting herself (and a dog on occasion).
I ran the numbers by that money guy, explaining that I thought I’d lease for three years and when my son graduated, I could use that CRV as a downpayment on a proper car to buy. He said he thought that was a good plan and that it seemed like a good price, too. “Go have some fun,” he told me, and I called the salesman to say he had a deal.
I picked it up on Friday, and after years of minivans, Suburbans, and a host of other mom-cars, it feels really weird to be in such a little car and down so low to the road. When I approached it in a parking lot last night and saw how tiny it looked tucked among all the other cars, I thought, “It really is a clown car.”
But even though it feels weird, I don’t hate it. It’s like selling my house and moving out of the town I lived in for 30 years. Or only seeing my kids every once in a while, after feeling sometimes like I’d never get them all out the door. It’s so strange after so many years — decades, really — of being in service to other people, making decisions based on their needs, to only have me to consider. It still feels pretty selfish, tbh.
But I think I’m still trying this new life on.
It’s like those new Blundstone boots I bought in the fall after everyone and their mother raved about how comfortable and durable they were and that they lasted for years. How when I tried them on after they arrived in the mail, I was like, “Meh.” I wasn’t sure.
Were they too big? Too snug on top? Did I like the color? When would I even wear them?
And then I started putting them on to walk the dog every morning and would end up leaving them on all day. And when I slipped them off at night, my feet felt pretty good. They didn’t feel all cramped and restricted, like other boots I’ve owned in the past.
A few months in, I find I am now wearing them every day. Even when it’s not yucky outside, I slip them on to run errands or just sit at my desk to work.
As is often the case, things come into our lives just when they’re supposed to arrive. Our inner voice says, “Give it a try,” and we do. We have faith that this is where life is supposed to go, and we let go of resisting and just go with the flow.
We know deep in our hearts, despite all those wobbly feelings, that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.
Like what you just read? Sign up below to get my weekly newsletter.
SUNDAY SHARES: Read, watch, cook, buy
I'm still unable to read a book at night. I eat my melatonin, get into bed and am unable to keep my eyes open after two pages. I am, however, listening to podcasts. I listened to this episode of Glennon Doyle's "We Can Do Hard Things" about attachment styles and was BLOWN AWAY by the insight it gave me. Helps take the mystery out of why we make questionable decisions and lets us feel more gentle toward ourselves.
Fleishman is in Trouble. I can't. So good. On HULU. Please watch.
At dinner on Friday, I tried to sell friends on HBO's new zombie series, The Last of Us. "I mean," I asked them, "who doesn't love a good zombie apocalypse story?" By the looks on their faces, I'd say not everyone. I, however, loved the first episode and am happy to have a new Sunday night HBO show to look forward to each week.
I am so obsessed with the Baked By Melissa TikTok videos of her making all sorts of yummy-looking and easy dishes, that I actually made my own salad dressing the other night after work, which is really saying something. Usually, I sign off and dig around the frig to heat up some prepared food I bought over the weekend. I think what sold me is that she poured in some nutritional yeast, which I love (and you can get at Trader Joe's).
Let me preface this by saying: I am no makeup expert. For that, I look to my older daughter, who knows all the things the girls are into these days. For example, she knows that all the girls want the Charlotte Tilbury Flawless Filter, but it's always out of stock. She also knows that a popular dupe, is a similar product made by the drugstore brand Elf, which I recently snagged from Target. All I have to say is that my sister asked what I was wearing when we were driving the other day, and I knew I was onto something. Also, I just bought this Elf moisturizer, and I really love how rich it feels and it has a luxe fragrance.
xoAmy
Join the Sunday Club
Sign up below to get my weekly newsletter
Did you make it all the way to the end?
Wow. Thanks for reading. Seriously, you're the best.
Want to change how you receive these emails?
You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.