The stories we tell ourselves
The New Year is Lined in Silver
You guys, we did it. We made it to the holiday finish line and I, for one, am flooded with relief today to be on the other side of 2019.
Not to be all bah humbug, but the holidays can be hard -- having nothing to do with wrapping, baking or sending out cards (none of which I did aside obligatory gift wrapping). Anyone who's suffered a loss, which is probably most of us, looks at the calendar and sees the end of November through December as one long obstacle course of emotions to get through.
Of course, if losses could be measured, mine are pretty light compared to some. But my divorce 10 years ago shaved one big chunk of family from my life and a fallout with my own family three years ago has whittled my core family down to me and my four kids. While those losses were the price I had to pay for peace, the holidays nip at the scab of my family wound.
My biggest holiday obstacle is Christmas Day, when the kids leave for dinner with their dad's family in the late afternoon. Of course, I had options. I could have volunteered at a soup kitchen. I could have gone with a good friend to her sister's. But for some reason, spending Christmas night with other people's families made me depressed and the thought of feeding others made me feel like a martyr. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, I don't know.
Instead, I decided to do something I'd always been hot to do on Christmas, just not necessarily by myself. I went to the movies. And not just any movie: I saw Little Women.
Sigh.
Swoon.
I loved it so much, it took the edge off my fear of running into someone I knew in the AMC theater lobby, who (in my mind) would inevitably be surrounded by family, or worrying about what the couples I sat in between in the dark theater thought about me being there alone. So ridiculous.
Little Women proved to be not just the silver lining of my Christmas, but also for my younger daughter who couldn't make it home to celebrate. She was stuck working that day and reported later that she found herself crying on the metro into work that day. #storieswetell
But after work she grabbed dinner with a roommate and another friend and they all went to see Little Women later Christmas night. She texted me half way through to say she thinks my grandchildren should call me Marmie (even though I've stated publicly I want them to call me Amy). Later, she texted this: "Just got out. I am an emotional wreck I loved that so much."
The true silver lining this Christmas was that the next day, her siblings and I piled into our car and drove down to Washington, DC to celebrate with her in her new apartment. We spent the next two days staying at the fancy hotel where she works in Georgetown and walking around our nation's capitol. It could have gone either way -- there were some tense moments -- but overall, we agreed the trip was a success and that it was good to be together.
One of the highlights was a dash through the National Portrait Gallery where we were all hot to see portraits of our former president and his first lady. It found us admiring the entire collection of presidents' portraits (we LOVED JFK's and the kids all agreed GW Bush looked great in his) and various famous and not-so-famous people in our quest to find the Obamas.
The final silver lining of my holiday season came after a trip to the food store upon our return from DC. I came home to find that my older daughter had taken it upon herself to take the Christmas tree down and put everything away in the basement. Probably the best gift anyone could give me. If that's not a shiny, happy thing, then I don't know what is.
So, here's to finding the bright spots. For figuring out how to live with the dark and the light parts of life and to be thankful for both. Because the challenges do help us grow and appreciate those glittery moments when they show themselves.
Happy Friday and ONWARD!
xoAmy
This Friday's Faves
Behold, the things I can't stop thinking or talking about this holiday season:
I ended up seeing Little Women not once, but twice since it came out. Most recently with my older daughter who also agreed it was probably the best movie ever. I could watch the scene where Jo and Laurie dance one million times. Pure joy. Check out the video below.
My daughter and I also rented Hustlers On Demand one night and surprisingly, we really liked it. I attribute that to low expectations going in. But, damn, JLo not only looks AMAZING, but she kills in her role of a stripper who is both heartless and has a heart of gold. Fun.
Stop what you're doing right now and download the podcast Root of Evil. The story it tells over eight episodes of a messed up family and deep dive into the famous Black Dahlia murder is so creepy good I binged it in two days.
I clicked on this article somebody shared on Facebook and it was a good reminder of some of life's more brutal truths, beginning with, "You are going to die and have no idea when."
I wrote this profile of a veteran who'd found his way out of physical and mental black hole following a bomb blast while in Afghanistan. Like, the pressure from the blast knocked some of his teeth out. He was so honest sharing his story and I was honored to get to tell it.
The drive to and from DC found me and my older daughter once again listening to those Las Culturistas boys. The episodes are endless, they go on well over an hour, and we laughed our way through one of their live events (where they give audience members advice at the end) and another that featured my new favorite comedian, Mary Beth Barone. She's super young but seems to be attracted to the same kind of men I go for, and reminded me of my favorite word to describe that damaging type of dude.