The stories we tell ourselves
The Sleeping Issue (as in: it's an issue)
For the most part, I am a good sleeper. Always have been. My only complaint over the years is that I have never been one to sleep really late, especially if I've had a few drinks the night before. So in college, while everyone else was crashed until noon after Friday night happy hour at the Stone Balloon (1980s UD flashback), I'd be lying in bed watching The Smurfs on the little TV in my dorm room. The up side is eventually, Pee Wee's Playhouse would come on and I could chime in to get a wish granted by Jambi (Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho!). Don't think I didn't make my kids watch PeeWee 10 years later on VHS to try to make them weird, too.
But while in college I used the same set of sheets all four years that I probably washed twice and -- whether I was living in a smoke-filled dorm room, a sorority house bunkroom or later, on a mattress on the floor of a second floor walkup in the West Village -- creating a conducive sleep environment was never a priority. Yet through it all, I slept like a rock.
When babies came into the picture, this gift would become infuriating to my husband because I could sleep through an infant wailing nearby while he'd be jarred out of sleep when the baby opened its eyelids. Back then I attribute a lot of that to sheer exhaustion. Having little kids -- and worse, infants -- was really hard work.
And I never understood how parents could wait up until midnight for teens to get home. I am done every night by 10:00. Lately, I've been telling my teenager to wake me up when he gets home, but instead, he's taken to texting me the time he says he got in because I was in such a deep sleep.
"But wait," I'd say to him. "You say you got in at 12:30, but you didn't text that to me until 1:30."
"Oh yeah," he'd say. "I went down to the basement to play Minecraft when I got home and forgot."
I mean, I know what you're thinking and don't get me wrong -- you're totally right. But I'm tired.
Because now I'm finding myself in an unusual situation, in which I'm not the champion sleeper that I used to be. Falling asleep is still something I do in about 20 seconds, as soon as my head hits my pillow, I'm out. But it's the getting back to sleep, after the inevitible trip (or three) to the bathroom that's really the challenge nowadays.
Of course, some of that is just the existential dread of waking up and remembering I'm 53 and closer to death than ever and what am I doing with my life and what will I have to show for myself and where has the time gone that sends me down a hole of anxiety. Sweating generally ensues.
And on top of that is just the exciting shift in hormones that's keep me awake and in a panic as estrogen leaks out of my pores and onto my (very nice) sheets.
All I know is that when I find myself up and reading at 4am, I am once again thankful I don't have to worry about waking anyone up with my sleeping habits and wondering how people who share beds do it. It's bad enough dealing with my own mid-life dread, much less somebody else's.
As with most things in life, the sleeplessness is cyclical. A few weeks ago it felt like I'd started a few of my days at 3am, but now I'm hitting snooze until I have to get out of bed to make lunch for my teen at 6am.
But my one constant is my incredibly comfy bedding and sleep routine. I also just added something to the mix that I think is helping me stay asleep lately as well. See below for my picks and tricks for getting a good night's sleep.
In the meantime, I'm always open to suggestions. What gets you through the night? Share your sleeping must haves and I'll do a roundup for everyone next week.
Happy Friday everyone!
xoAmy
This Friday's Faves
I can be a goof about a lot of things, but I take my bedroom very seriously. Pillows, sheets, blankets -- even the color of the walls -- are all carefully chosen to provide maximum comfort and calmness. Here's what I like:
Okay, what sent me down this bedding/sleeping road this week was the purchase of new sheets that did NOT live up to expectations. I was in the market for a new set and Wirecutter recommended these sheets from Target, which I washed and put on and when I slid in, thought they were kinda scratchy. They're growing on me, but I still much prefer these from Costco. Or these.
Anyone who has slept in my bed tells me it's the most comfortable situation, and I'm sure it's because of this baby. Honestly, buy this mattress topper and you will thank me every night when you get into bed. It's a little pricey but, damn, so worth it.
ICYMI, I've gotten on the weighted blanket bandwagon lately and think being smothered has helped me get back to sleep recently. I like the looks of this one from Target and the fact that it could sit on your bed and not look hideous.
I bought my velvet quilt (kinda like this one) from Pottery Barn a few years ago, which is quite luxurious, and I switch it out with this cotton deal in the summer months.
What I'd really like to know is: what are you wearing, to bed in particular? I have a lot of rules about what I can and can't wear to bed, which include: no pants, no sleeves and boobs need to be contained. My solution for years has been cotton camisoles with a shelf bra from Old Navy, which I used to be able to grab in the store, and then only online and for the last few years, they've been impossible to find. This has left me with two tops, a blue and a black, which I rotate and to call them "threadbare" would be kind. So when I finally busted a move and found replacements on Amazon for $8 each, my older daughter was like, "Wow, it's the end of an era," when she saw I was throwing the Old Navy duo away. Thank you for you service, indeed, old friends.
For years I'd fall asleep every night with my TV timer set watching the local Fox 5 news. I love New York City murder and mayhem as I nod off. But then, the current news cycle started getting to me, and my therapist, Jennifer, suggested this dreamy sound machine instead. Now, I pass out to the sounds of a rainstorm and as a Morticia Adaams kind of gal, I find that very soothing.
On nights when I'm feeling a little anxious, I get the rain going and then open the Headspace app and find some cello and pipes music or a wind down that asks me to count back from like 10,000 and I'm out in no time.
If you are a girl of a certain age (comme moi) and interested in exploring perhaps just why you can't sleep, check out this excellent episode from the podcast "Midlife Mixed Tape" with the author Ada Calhoun. Her recent book, Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis explores GenX gals' struggles and if you haven't discovered the podcast in general, you're in for a treat. I really love that the host starts every episode by asking her guest what their first concert was (me: Styx with Chris Abbatiello at Brendan Byrne Arena in like 1981 and we were in a fancy box situation and of course I wanted to be out with the crowd, which says a lot about my personality both then and now -- except now a box situation sounds delightful. Thanks, Chris. xo).
Finally, I would like to encourage you to share this newsletter with any other weirdos you think might enjoy it and, if you haven't already, to right in your inbox.
Sleep well, cuties ...
xoAmy