The stories we tell ourselves
Quarantine Week 4: Vol. 2
Out of the Woods
This week, the governor of New Jersey shut down our state and county parks, on top of the boardwalks that were shut the week before, and this does not bode well for the future of our sanity.
I'd seen a news report earlier in the week that the closure was about to happen and slipped away late Tuesday afternoon with the dog for one final hike through our beloved Hartshorne Woods. I probably could have found a kid or two who'd have joined me for the roughly 3-mile walk, but I really just wanted to be by myself in a place that has brought me a lot of joy and comfort over the last 10 years.
My introduction to the county park, whose hilly and challenging trails meander through a forest and have stunning vistas of the Navesink River in the distance, was with a girlfriend who asked if I wanted to give trail running a try. I was nervous about the terrain, having only run on flat roadways, but found getting to the top of a steep hill exhilarating. Just like that, I was hooked.
This new obsession mirrored the simultaneous implosion of my marriage, which had been a long uphill grind for years and then suddenly, an abrupt downward spiral. That, too, left me strangely relieved. It was thrilling to finally get to the bottom of that giant hill.
Eventually, I connected with another trail running friend and she and I probably ran around the woods four times a week for years, regardless of the season. We'd get a few minutes into the run and unclip our dogs from their leashes and begin to parse whatever crisis had unfurled in my life since we'd last run together. The latest bullying texts from my estranged husband or stunt pulled by a teenager. Over time, my girlfriend would share her own frustrations with her husband and kids. The woods gave us a place and time to share backstories, fill in the gaps to help put it all in context. All the while, our doggies would run ahead and then dart off the trail into the brush. We'd see them bounding over fallen trees and through the bramble and just when we'd start to wonder where they went, they'd emerge back onto the trail and run towards us, smiling. I swear, my dog would be grinning ear to ear as he came back to find me.
I've always loved stories that take place in the woods. In college, I took a course one semester on Shakespeare and we learned that he used forest settings to create magic and turn things upside down. I think it's why I've always been drawn to Sondheim's musical "Into the Woods," which I've seen productions alone, with my mother, with my daughters, with a friend and all of our daughters and countless times on the VHS tape we played at home on tv when the kids were small. In the show, the woods can of course be scary, there are wolves and witches and giants lurking within, but it's also a place to grow and try new things. Maybe slay said giant or kiss a prince.
While I've never found anyone to kiss while running through the woods, I did grow stronger over time. Eventually, the divorce shrank in the distance as I went back to work full time as a journalist managing a local news site and, while exhausted, mentally invigorated for the first time in years and looking ahead and not behind.
Of course, things changed. That job fizzled out after a few years and my beloved dog went to the big hill in the sky. My knees stopped loving all the running up and down hills, so I slowed down to a hike instead. And that girlfriend started working full time during the week and no longer had the flexibility to go on long mid-morning outings in the woods.
But the woods have remained a constant for me. I still get there once or twice a week. Sometimes with a friend or child or two but often, all by myself. Now, I have a new doggie who starts panting heavily in the backseat of my car as we approach the small parking lot. He loves sniffing his way along the trail and is always on the lookout for menacing chipmunks and squirrels to lunge at. Unlike his predecessor, I do not trust this one off leash. The few times I've tried it he initially trots ahead and stops and waits for me -- creating a fall sense of security -- but eventually he starts to pick up speed and then abruptly crash into the brush along the side and start racing full bore through the forest. I will admit though that when he does eventually head back to me, he's smiling.
But now, thanks to the pandemic, the woods are officially off limits and I'm not sure if I'll find that same sense of calm I get looking at the sparkling river in the distance and hearing the quiet of the forest as I will walking along the sidewalks of my town.
I bundled up for my hike on Tuesday and about half way through, had to take off my jacket and tie it around my waist. I've been doing a new trail lately, one that's wide enough to allow for social distancing with folks heading in the opposite direction, which has some water views and seems a little less crowded than other loops. The dog and I wandered up and down hills with no fellow hikers within view and it felt good to be alone with only the trees for company. I reached down and unclipped the dog's leash and he took off like a rocket down the trail before zipping quickly to the left, all the while me yelling him name to come back.
I jogged ahead and found him sitting at the start of a narrow bike trail he must have mistook for our path and he looked up at me expectantly, his head tilted and his pink tongue unfurled out of the side of his mouth, heaving up and down from the effort of his sprint.
This is what I'll miss. The trees. The cry of seagulls. The solitude. Even the dumb dog who doesn't really listen to me.
I can't wait to get back there.
xoAmy
The Friday Faves
As we wrap up our first month of pandemic living, I find I am not consuming the news like I used to. I used to watch morning news, then PBS News Hour making dinner and for years fell asleep to Fox 5 local 10:00 news. And through most of my day, WNYC would be playing from Alexa either in my kitchen or bedroom.
I am finding the information filtering quite peaceful, actually, except I never know what to expect weather-wise. I miss Nick Gregory or Audrey Puente telling me whether I need an umbrella the next day and lord knows my iPhone weather is highly unpredictable.
But really, it's the softer news I always love. The stuff that comes around 45 minutes into the nightly newscast. And I'm a sucker for anything in the zeitgeist, whether it's Drake's new dance moves or whipped coffee.
My solution? Daily newsletters. The three or four I check in on each morning kinda encapsulate everything that's going on, plus some include the cultural stuff all the kids are talking about.
This daily email is probably geared towards millennial but I like the fun way the news is presented and the videos of puppies and pandas. I also am proud to say that I knew three of this week's cultural referenced subject lines (Right foot up, You're My Happy Ending, Hey all you cool cats and kittens).
I have always loved this former morning tv host and her daily newsletter is much like the one above but today's included a video with Bobbi Brown and IG video with Nancy Meyer. #icons
This happiness expert could be really annoying but somehow, I really like her and used to listen to her podcast with her sister all the time. Now, I get her weekly newsletter that's filled with lots of good internet holes to fall down.
I love this newsletter that gives the lowdown on all the tv shows and movies that are out there, and not just Tiger King.
Here's another one that comes on Mondays, when I'm always feeling my most inept, that's filled with advice/tips/tricks for all of us who struggle with motivation, organization and big dose of procrastination.
Finally, DINNERS! I made two super-yummy ones this week, which my daughter found in Real Simple magazine. The children were dubious on Sunday night when I made this soup when they discovered it was meatless. "No, like, sausage?" they asked, wrinkling their noses when they saw all the beans instead. Reader, they devoured it.
Last night, I made this slightly more time consuming pork meatball ramen but, hey, it's a pandemic. What else am I doing?
As always, if you know someone who might be interested in feeling and recipes, please share and suggest they delivered straight to their inbox.