This is not about deprivation.
Hands up
Greetings from the sadomasochistic center of New Jersey where I’ve decided not only am I going to give up alcohol but – what the heck! – sugar, carbs, grains and what seems like most everything but oxygen for the next 30 days! If you hear I’ve also decided to shun Netflix, Amazon and Target, please send help.
My daughter and I are planning on Whole 30-ing it hard this month and she spent yesterday working out our menus and food shopping to execute our meals. This morning, the frig is stuffed with bags of baby cucumbers and colorful peppers and the freezer’s got a full supply of frozen Wegman’s butternut squash puree and cauliflower rice. Sounds delicious!
The last time I attempted Whole 30 I lasted approximately 30 minutes, after which I gave up and poured a cup of half and half into my coffee and resigned myself to failure. I talked about it a lot but just couldn’t stick to the plan, which pretty much sums up most of my life.
Recently, I ordered the book Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed With Alcohol from Amazon – which skyrocketed in popularity when Chrissy Teigen credited it for helping her stop drinking, and I cannot put it down. Open my copy up and you’ll find whole passages underlined and circled and notes like “YES!” and “Oh yeah!” when she cracks a joke about running through a wall like the Kool-Aid man.
The one chapter I’ve really been relating to is titled, “How to Quit Alcohol When You’ve Never Stuck to a Diet.” It’s like she knows me. But when it comes to drinking, she really knows me, as evidenced by her inclusion of this quote from “A Course in Miracles”:
“Whenever there is fear, it is because you have not made up your mind. Your mind is therefore split, and your behavior inevitably becomes erratic. The strength to do comes from your undivided decision.”
For years, I wanted to stop drinking. But I also wanted to drink. That was a problem.
And then, for some reason I will never know, I woke up one morning and decided not to drink, and that was that. After I made that decision, I didn’t have to rely on willpower to help get me through. The decision had already been made.
Now, did I think about wine as 5:00 approached most afternoons in the beginning? Obviously, but I had a backup plan. I bought a weird number of seltzers and sparkling waters and poured one into my stemless Target wineglass at the old cocktail hour and that seemed to satisfy that urge to drink something. I also did not let that motherfucker of a voice that lives in my head, the one who always tries to steer me in the wrong direction, get a chance to say anything about it. That voice is nailed in a coffin and buried deep in my psyche and I am ignoring its muffled screams. It can fuck off.
Then I go to meetings and read all the quit lit that I’ve amassed over the years to remind me just why drinking is not for me. I never want to forget how alcohol had become my Calypso, keeping me trapped on an island of regret and indecision and unable to break free.
So that’s why I’m feeling pretty good about this Whole 30 caper. I’ve been hot to shed some of the extra pounds I’ve put on as a 50-something menopausal lady. I am also interested, now that I’ve eliminated alcohol, what my body will feel like without sugar and carbs. When my bad voice was loose and running around inside my brain, she supplied an endless list of excuses why I should eat the donut, have the potato chips with my sandwich and worry about it all another day.
I’ve just decided I’m going to do it.
In the book, Whitaker makes that point that giving up booze is not about deprivation. In fact, it’s just the opposite. “Addiction and recovery and sobriety are nothing more than your call to adventure, your ticket to everything you’ve ever told yourself you can’t be, and ever dream you’ve every had. This is your great adventure.”
I’ve stopped fighting with myself and getting nowhere. It was truly exhausting. It was much easier to put both hands up in the air and surrender.
FRIDAY FAVES: read-watch-cook-buy
So where’s a girl to find joy, you’re wondering, if she’s given up sugar, carbs and booze? Lately, it’s been by screwing around with my insanely long COVID hair. I bought this contraption (which I first saw on TikTok), which is really an updated crimper, and I am SO into the results. I was afraid it would make the curls kind of goofy, but it’s just the right casual, beachy wavy vibe I’m looking for right now in February (that was a joke). I might be wearing a sweatsuit, right now but my hair is ready to go out. *
Another book I’m obsessed with: Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. When I finished it at the end of 2020, I put it down and was like, “Meh.” But later, after listening to the author interview with Krista Tippet on the On Being podcast, I totally had a change of heart. My problem was that instead of appreciating the book for what it was – an ode to the winters of our lives, when we recede from the world and quietly nurture and replenish ourselves – I was stuck on the book not being what I thought I wanted it to be (more of a memoir where things happened). Tons of underlining and notes have transpired recently in my copy. Go get one of your own and enjoy.*
A friend posted this Oprah clip on her Instagram the other day and I went back and watched it about five times before finding it on TikTok to save on my phone. Why did it resonate so hard? Two words, “MOVE FORWARD.”
YUMMY ALERT: Here’s a non-Whole 30 dinner that was quick and delicious made with orzo, which my youngest child told me not long ago was his “favorite grain.”
Take a hike along the 2,660-mile Pacific Crest Trail in three minutes.
Finally, while we moms have genuine concerns about our children’s mental health, this TikTok hit really close to home.
*Includes link to affiliate site who might throw me a few sheckles if you purchase their product.