Are we ready for our third act?
A trip to the mall has got me thinking about how I want to spend my days. Also, new movies and owlets
Hi Midlifers!
How’s your weekend going? The greedy “MORE” troll inside me always wishes for another day. Two is never really enough to both relax and get organized. Why do I have to sacrifice one for the other? I hate to admit it, but Future Me always prefers when Weekend Me is productive so she can start the week with meals prepped in the frig and items crossed off her to-do list.
I met girlfriends for coffee and to catch up before going to see a matinee on Saturday afternoon at the local multiplex. It’s been cold and rainy for days on end here in New Jersey and I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not even paying attention to it anymore. I didn’t even bother with a hat or umbrella as I hiked across the hinterlands of the parking lot to get inside the new bookstore. I just let the drizzly rain hit me in the face and wished my glasses had windshield wipers.
Our local mall is under massive reconstruction so everything is topsy turvy from the way it’s been for the last 40 years since I moved to the area. The shitty mall where’d I go fairly regularly for decades to fill my diet of movies and Old Navy produce has been torn down to make way for a more modern “square” format.
In the fall, my older daughter and I drove over to hit up Old Navy and I decided we’d first stop at the old Barnes and Noble — which was attached to the mall — and then we could walk inside down to Old Navy, which had no outside access. I instructed her to head to side doors where you could access the mall and we were met with paper signs that read, “THE MONMOUTH MALL IS PERMANENTLY CLOSED.”
“Okay, let’s drive over to the movie theater and cut into the mall over there,” I told her.
“Mom, the mall is closed. Old Navy is not going to be open,” my daughter said.
I looked at her like she was crazy. “Of course Old Navy is open.”
Like any good daughter being gaslit, she acquiesced and got in the car as I navigated around some metal construction gates that had been erected and wound our way to the AMC Theater’s parking lot. As I marched across the lobby, we encountered a ticket taker in the front who stopped me from heading to the back of the lobby and the doors leading to the mall.
I didn’t even slow down. “We’re just headed to Old Navy,” I told him and he was like, “Ma’am, the mall is closed.”
As my daughter and I headed back out to the car and I let her give me the shit I deserved for being such a know-it-all, we joked about how Old Navy could have closed without telling me. “Didn’t I at least deserve a text from them?” I laughed. “I’m, like, their biggest fan.” Also, I would have liked to have taken one last stroll through what had become a very sad place over the last decade or so. But it was a destination for a lot of Justice and Limited Too shopping, back in the day. Not to mention ear piercing and the scene of my first experience as a mom with a kid needing stitches (preschooler tripped on the coin-operated ride-ons platform and smacked forehead into something sharp).
In retrospect, of course I knew that change was coming at that mall but it really took me by surprise when it actually started to happen. How sudden it felt despite me being fully aware of its imminence. One day you’re walking through the shuttered food court on your way to buy a pair of cheap skinny jeans and the next, you’re getting shut down by a middle-aged movie ticket taker who clearly thinks you’re mental.
Yesterday afternoon, my girlfriends and I sat around a little table in the cafe at the back of the brand new Barnes and Noble cafe and took turns sharing what we’re currently most worried about. I sipped my cappuccino and enjoyed how our instinct was to go around the table and listen to what’s most weighing on each of our hearts. It felt good to just be totally honest about how I’m feeling and feel their support in return. Sometimes you just need to hear your girlfriends say, “What a fucker.”
We’re all either quickly approaching or just past the 60-year mark — a looming point about 18 months away for me and something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I’ve really started imagining what my third act will look like. And unlike the demolition at the mall, I don’t want to be surprised by this final stage of my life. I don’t want to wake up one morning and discover barricades and detour signs pointing me in a direction I don’t want to go. I want to show up for the final life stage as prepared as I can for all of the unknowns life will undoubtedly spring on me.
Instead of being reactive — which had been my strategy for decades — for this third act I want to be proactive. I’m thinking a lot about what I want it to look like. How do I want my days to feel? Who am I spending them with? How do I feel when I wake up each morning? Where do I live? How do I use my time? GAH so many quesitons.
Luckily, unlike the Monmouth Mall, my “reimagining” does not require a complete demolition. I have spent the last five years building a foundation for what’s to come and frankly, I don’t know if I have the energy for another complete reinvention. But, all the support (fill in any and all construction metaphors) is in place for whatever comes next. What a luxury it is to have some say in that.
And, hey, the Old Navy may have been torn to the ground (RIP!!), but a Whole Foods and CAVA will rise from the ashes. Let’s see what comes out of mine.
Seeing The Friend, with friends
The Friend lived up to my expectations after listening to the audiobook a few years ago. Of course, I barely remembered anything about the story, other than the basics of a single woman living in a New York rent-controlled apartment with a dog the size of a small horse following a friend’s death. A lovely movie for grown ups including a movie star who actually looks her age and New York City looking very appealing.
Wait, Wes Anderson has a new movie coming?
Yes, it’s true. I just discovered this yesterday and blasted the trailer (above) to my family because we are all fans. In fact, when my college guy was home this winter and we debated what to watch together (never easy), he suggested The Darjeeling Limited, one of the few in the Anderson canon neither one of us has seen. Quirky and delightful, just the way I like my Wes Anderson movies. I mean, Fantastic Mr. Fox? The Royal Tenebaums? Oh, ps, the new one has Kate Winslet’s daughter in the ensemble (along with regulars like Scarlett Johansson and Bendict Cumberbatch). Will be released May 30.
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The dating advice I needed to hear
During one of my marches around town this week I listened to the new Michelle Obama podcast and an episode that talked a lot about dating and relationships that I ended up sending to all my favorite single ladies (my real and work daughters). But really, the advice was a good reminder for me that I need to concentrate on being the chooser and not the chosen. Stop hoping for Mr. Big to drive up and lean out his window to ask me to hop in. Also towards the end, Mrs. Obama gives some great parenting advice (basically, just nod and keep your mouth shut).
The bird video you didn’t know you needed
Finally, here’s an owl mom taking care of her owlets. I find it very soothing.
Gratitude, unbound
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Hugs to you all and see you on Friday!
xoAmy
Cheers to third acts, grown up movies, Wes Anderson, and baby owls! 🦉
Many years spent at MM. I think it’s remarkable that pre-food court there was only one Italian restaurant (with good pizza) that fed the whole place. I remember Sam Goody and KB Toys, brands that don’t even exist anymore. Good times.