Can you see me now?
The magic of being seen. Plus: OOTD + book + salad dressing recipe you NEED.
Hi Midlifers!
I hope you’re having a great weekend. Not to brag, but my company gave us Friday off — an occurrence in Corporate America when I guess the overlords are happy with your quarterly performance — so I’ve been luxuriating in an XL weekend (and greedily wishing four a double XL).
I skipped going into the office on Tuesday due to an overload of actual work I needed to do and so crammed all my IRL needs into Wednesday. I packed a salad for lunch, picked out a cute outfit (see below) and headed to the office where, despite being up since 5 a.m., I arrived a half hour late.
Lately, I’ve taken to scheduling as many one-on-one meetings as I can during those in-person days so I can get my steps in while aligning with various stakeholders. Recently, I walked over five miles doing laps around the interior of my office building (and Lumon headquarters). Here’s one such chaotic session:
If this email gets too long, click the “read more” to find the rest of it.
As my teammates and I were settling into our desks and opening our laptops on Wednesday morning, our manager reached into her tote bag and pulled out stickers she had bought all of us. “I kept seeing them at the place I’ve been getting coffee and I finally had to get them,” she said and handed each of us two stickers specifically chosen for each of the three of us.
I work with two mid-20-somethings and a manager who’s in her mid-30s and one of the nicest things is that despite the age differences, we are all wired similarly. We’re all pretty flexible and don’t blink when told something is needed by EOD. I mean, for better or for worse. We just seem to be on the same wavelength and I find it very easy to work with them. It’s a really nice vibe.
One of the things we started doing during the early part of our tenure together is bringing each other trinkets from our travels. My desk is littered with a little medal from the Paris Olympics and tiny London phone booth. My teammates have a Liberty Bell pencil sharpener from a trip I took to Philadelphia in the fall and stickers from a getaway to Oregon.
I adore cards and have found some good ones for my coworkers for holidays and birthdays that also now sit on their desks that have super niche content that I knew they loved — like illustrations of Renee Rapp and Sabrina Carpenter.
In return, I received a post-it notepad that reads, “Oh for fucks sake” and another inspired by one of my Substack posts that was personalized to read, “I shucked my own f***ing oyster.” I mean. Gah. So incredibly thoughtful.
Our manager distributed our stickers and when I saw what she’d chosen for me — highlighting my commitment to both caffeine and grammar — I said, “I feel so seen.”
I shared all of this with my therapist this week, who observed that she was not surprised that I have had such an easy time connecting with younger coworkers, and at first I was kind of offended by that. My initial reaction was that she was implying I was immature (which may or may not be true).
But when I think back about how seen my kids have made me feel over the years, I can see the common denominator. I’ve always been my (mostly) full self with my four kids. Weird. Silly. Judgmental. Loving. Honest. I’ve shared all the good and the bad pieces of myself. I’m just a flawed human who loves them.
And I think it’s somehow easier for me to do that with my younger coworkers, but in a much more professional way. Maybe I don’t share ALL the pieces, but I am pretty authentic to my true self. I am not pretending to be something I’m not or trying to be something they need me to be. That is such an old familiar pattern of mine, camouflaging myself to fit in and be like everyone else, no matter who I am with. Need me to be the bad girl? The good girl? The flunky? Sexy? The one who makes you look good? I’m your girl.
This journey of crawling out from all of those old identities to figure out who I really am underneath it all has been really eye-opening and the revelations have come from such surprising sources. When I joined this team of much younger people two years ago, I really didn’t know how it was going to work. Damn, the Universe really knows what she’s doing.
But isn’t that also the gift of age? Of finally understanding who you really are? That after trying on all the personas, all the hats life has to offer, you are finally able to take off the last one so that everyone can see what your face really looks like. When you can finally tip your head back and let the light hit your jaw and wash across your cheekbones. Finally, you understand how good the light feels.
What the butler saw
What else did I do this week besides walk in circles inside my office building? I also frantically listened to the audio version of the novel, The Remains of the Day, for a book club outing I had COMPLETELY forgotten about. I turned the page from March to April and there it was. How do I even get through life? Anyway, it was a (relatively) quick listen at about 9.5 hours and in the end, I’m glad I listened because my ADD could not have gotten through the dense pages of the actual book. Not where my brain is right now. But listening on drives and walks, I really enjoyed how the story of a man who served other men as a butler for decades was squaring that life of service. I had never seen the movie version and am anxious to see how the story unfolds on the big screen.
OOTD
Poop, I wish I took a picture of what I wore to work the other day, so please picture all the elements above coming together and walking by you with purpose as the wearer desperately tries to get to 15K steps.
Favorite salad dressing #2
Say what you will about social media and how it really will spearhead the demise of humanity, but damn it has given me some great recipes. Case in point: the salad dressing I made at the start of the week that I liked so much I had to send my coworkers pictures of the concoction in a mason jar. Super delish, add to your repertoire. I also send them pics of my homemade iced lattes and they are such good sports and always text nice things because I’m not their actual mom spamming them with content during the work day.
No big deal
Um, you guys. Your support of this newsletter has been overwhelming and my gratitude knows no bounds. Like weirdly, yesterday The Midlife Diaries was #16 in Rising Parenting Bestsellers. What does that mean? I have no idea but it sounds super cool. Also, I never really thought of this as a Parenting newsletter BUT HERE WE ARE. Thanks to ALL my new paying subscribers and just all you Midlifers following along. I am so grateful to you all. Want to get in on the fun? Subscribe below.
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Hugs to you all and see you on Friday!
xoAmy
Hi Amy, I always love seeing the midlife diaries pop up in my email - I drop everything and read it right away! xo
Ask and you shall receive (this comment lol). Love getting your writing and insights on the regular.