Hello from a cabin in Maine

I am here to read, write and plug into myself. Plus: things to do in Portland, ME and my new fave IG follows.

Do you ever feel like you are having an out-of-body experience? Like you are completely unplugged from what is happening around you and kind of watching from above? Honestly, I have that feeling all the time thanks to the magic of disassociation, one of my many unhealthy superpowers.

And maybe that’s what is happening right now as I sit on a bed in a one-room cabin at the edge of the ocean. As I look out the screen door right across from where I am propped up on a pile of pillows and see the spindly branches of evergreens framing my view. Just outside the door is a blanket of ferns and shrubby undergrowth that underline the brightness of the sun shining across the water in the distance. I am going to go so far as to say it is sparkling. Like I am on a movie set and they’ve cued the sun for its big moment and it’s my job to just sit and take it all in and act amazed.

It’s absolutely ridiculous. And perfect. And maybe, too much for my brain.

Boston, I could spy on your people all day long.

I left New Jersey on Friday morning and headed to Boston, where I spent the night with a dear college friend who is going through her own midlife shift. She just retired from teaching fourth grade for 15 years and sold the house where she and her husband raised their four kids for 30 years. They’ve got a new place on the Cape and a little apartment in Boston and it’s a lot of change and uncertainty after decades of many fixed variables.

It’s daunting and overwhelming but also, super exciting to be at this time in our lives. This window of grown kids and health and charting a course more about ourselves than other people. What a concept. It’s super luxurious.

I will not run out of things to read on this trip.

I left Boston Saturday morning and headed to Portland to wander around and kill time before I could check into my cabin. I visited the local bookstore, ate falafel, bought an awesome dress and chatted for a while with a lovely woman about all the changes and growth we can find at midlife.

She just finalized a divorce after three decades in a relationship and has kids right on the verge of leaving the nest and she is trying to figure it all out. We talked about how life keeps throwing us curve balls and you can try to catch them — you keep at it learning to bend and stretch to get finally them to land square in your palm — or you can let those balls keep hitting you in the face and piss you off. Or as my therapist likes to say: You can live in the problem or choose to live in the solution instead.

After loading up for the week with provisions at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods in Portland (much like last year’s Maine getaway, I channelled Cameron Diaz in The Holiday tossing random items into her cart), I drove another hour north to this cabin on the edge of the ocean. To get here, I drove down a long dirt road through the woods that required turning left at a few forks until I banked left one more time up a driveway and arrived at my cabin that’s nicknamed “Nest Del Mar.”

I took me a while to unload everything from the car — which included all my own bedding and two boat bags filled with books and writing material — and then I immediately threw on a bathing suit and sweats to head down to the beach.

I’d been sweating all day walking around Portland in my coastal grandma button down and linen pants and I’d been dreaming about plunging into the freezing cold ocean. Reader: I am not the type to plunge into any water, showers included, so this is just how hot I was. Anyways, I set off down the dirt road toward the ocean and immediately hear the rumble of thunder. On top of being water-phobic, I am also a worrywart and try to adhere to all weather-related precautions. Even as I kept walking down the dirt path, determined to get my head under the water, I kept thinking about the NJ guy who just got struck by lightning trying to warn folks to get off the beach.

There’s a sandy incline down the beach and I quickly descended and marched with purpose across the length of sand to the edge of the ocean and stripped off my sweatsuit before stepping into the water. It was freezing. Like, really really cold. But with the imminent threat of electrocution snapping at my heels, I kept walking until I was up to my torso and then took a deep breath and let my feet fly out from under me and tipped backwards so that my head plunged underwater. Then I trudged out and wrapped myself in a towel and took a hot shower when I got back to the cabin.

When I got out, the rain had started to fall and pretty soon, it began to pour and it was like I was living inside the Cabin Downpour I like to listen to on the Headspace app sometimes to fall asleep at home.

I put my headphones on to keep listening to the audiobook I’d started on my drive and puttered around unpacking and assessing the cabin. I looked out the window and saw that the rain had let up and noticed a brightness in the distance, on the other side of a tree. I moved to see what was behind the pine tree and saw that it was the end of a colossal rainbow arcing across the ocean before me.

I know. It really is ridiculous.

Maybe it’s just that my brain is overwhelmed by it all. It can’t handle the peace and tranquility. I’m such a busybody and my brain is always humming with ideas. Telling me to GO GO GO and DO DO DO. After all the hustle to get here— tying up loose ends at work, packing, getting the house in order, googling where to go and what to do and drivinggggggg — it’s like I’ve hit a wall.

So I’m going to do my best to just unplug and relax and try not to pressure myself to DO. Let things happen. Take it as it comes. Really, it’s a good way to just go through life, living in the moment and seeing what happens next.

I’ll keep you posted.

sunday shares: read + watch + cook + buy

Portland, ME recs:

• Longfellow Books — nicely curated selection plus picked up a few of the notebooks I’ve been loving for work.

• Ember: handmade jewelry, pottery and clothing. I bought a woodsmokey candle for the cabin and chatted with the loveliest sales person about life.

• Corey & Co. — I wanted to buy EVERYTHING but settled for a very chic (in my opinion) blue striped button down dress. The woman who rang me up assessed my oversized white Old Navy button down and loose linen pants and told me the dress was my vibe.

• Nura Hummus & Falafel — honestly, I’d wanted a lobster roll but was afraid it would be too heavy and wreck my stomach so looked for a turkey sandwich and ended up eating a falafel instead. So my decision-making is super questionable.

Recent Instagram follows:

Here are some accounts I am paying (some might say way too much) attention to lately

• This Oak House: Nancy Meyers’s daughter is remodeling a house and giving decorating/lifestyle advice and I am here for it all.

• Emma Straub: I listened to an interview with the author on Elin Hildebrand’s books podcast and found her very engaging, as is her Instagram account.

• Get Up Keep Moving: I have admired Polli for many years. When I was a young mom, I watched her on the beach and liked how she mothered her six kids while also seeming like her own person. We would talk about books sometimes and I was intimidated by how smart and well-read she seemed. Many decades later as a middle aged woman, I am inspired by her commitment to health and wellness and especially recent posts of her playing with grandchildren and explaining how they are her WHY she wants to stay fit. It reminds me to stop acting like I’m some granny.

Follow me on Instagram. I’ll be posting a little during my stay in Maine so come follow along.

Thank youuuuuu for reading! Also, this was all super chaotic because I didn’t think I had wifi until I found it this morning and started writing you this Dear Diary of a post. I am going to calm down with a book now on the beach.

See you next Sunday! xoAmy