How much would you pay for love?
For me, at least $1,000. Also: Friday night dinner is served.
Midlifers!
Has it only been one week since we last saw each other? I’m learning that the end of the world just has an endless quality to it, n’est-ce pas? Like time feels so stretched with all the news and changes we’re being pummeled with so that days feel like weeks and weeks feel like … infinity?
Anyhoo, my own personal week was filled with a lot of work-work-work and changes taking place there as well. Here’s the benefit of having lived almost six decades (barf): If you’re paying attention you have come to learn that everything will be okay. I can’t get worked up over what’s coming down the pike because in the end, it’s all make believe anyway. I’ll just keep doing my thing and trying my best.
That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.
The other thing that filled my week was taking care of my dog and in particular his crazy and disruptive skin allergies. Guys, my specialty is ignoring problems and wishing them away but there is no ignoring this guy’s severe reaction(s) to environmental triggers. And god knows I tried. Once, I waited so long to take him to the vet to look at the sores all over his body that the doctor described one of them as a “profound wound.” Yikes.
My 8yo goldendoodle has been experiencing a huge allergy flare up over the last few weeks — despite getting weekly immunotherapy shots that I administer. His eczema has triggered such intense itching that it sometimes wakes me up in the middle of the night and paw licking that can get so aggressive that I was worried the participants of a work call I was on this week could hear him going to town on his feet. He also licks his butt a lot — but I won’t go into that.
He had started to see a doggie dermatologist about 18 months ago, after an interminable wait to get an appointment. Like, any parents with young children take my advice right now and push them to become a veterinarian dermatologist because they are few and far between and in high demand. This practice works out of a few facilities in Pennsylvania and New Jersey and getting an appointment is akin to nabbing a Birkin bag. It’s elusive and highly coveted.
But now I have an email relationship with the techs who manage my immunotherapy supply and who have been impressed by the extent of my dog’s allergy symptoms. I sent a note last weekend about what was going on and then my girl Heather called to say they’d just had a cancellation for the following Friday.
“I’ll take it,” I said, even though it was at the exact same time as a monthly review I have for a report I produce at work. A year ago, I would have hesitated but now, I have my priorities a little better sorted out.
But then on Tuesday, we were starting our usual morning walk and I was so busy adjusting my headphones and finding something to listen to that wasn’t news-related and depressing, that I wasn’t paying attention to him. Suddenly, I realized he was walking about 5 paces behind me, which was unusual. The guy is usually raring to go ahead of me. I said out loud, “Bro, what’s going on,” and turned to see him hobbling behind me like a doggie Keyser Soze. Like, so bad I didn’t even do that mental juggle of whether or not my work day could accommodate an unplanned trip to the vet. I stopped in my tracks and called and said we needed to come in pronto.
$288 later, we came home with a bag full of meds to get him back on track.
Work was very work-y come Friday morning that I arrived for the heralded dermatology appointment a little late, which is so on brand for me. My oldest daughter had arrived from Raleigh, NC that morning for the weekend. She and her sister were coming home for the bridal shower this weekend to celebrate their brother’s wedding this spring (have I mentioned that?). She Ubered from the airport and then we went to Wegman’s to food shop and then my sister was there trying to find all the white roses to make flower arrangements for the shower. It was chaotic.
$400 later, I pulled up in front of my house with the Clown Car overflowing with white flowers and groceries. We cleared everything out, threw the dog in, and I raced to the appointment.
$700+ later, the dog and I returned home with more meds and syringes where I worked until about 6:00. My younger daughter arrived. My sister and her dog arrived. And I had to make dinner.
Whew.
There was a time when that would have really pushed me over the edge. When my usual day-to-day was a lot like what I just described to you. A million little fires burning all around me and I would run around with buckets of water trying to put them out. One of my four kids was always on fire. I had an HVAC system that was often on fire. Sometimes even I was on fire. I probably lived like that for 20 years.
But on Friday night, I knew the fires were mostly out. There was some smoldering, like the $200 worth of flowers in the basement we needed to arrange and a lot of vegetables that needed to be chopped for dinner.
But we did it.
My older daughter, an excellent sous chef, stood alongside me at the kitchen counter and chopped scallions and peppers while I worked with ground chicken and panko crumbs to form meatballs. My sister and younger daughter poured some wine and chatted and I had my favorite fake beer and the dinner quickly came together. Within an hour, we were sitting on stools along the spacious kitchen counter and eating our delicious dinner and the dog, sans itching, laid on the floor under our feet.
I’m better now at reacting when I see the first signs of smoke. But sometimes I still need a reminder.
But being able to let it go and sink into the moments I’ll remember, that has been the learning lesson. Surrounded by the people who I love so much and whose company I crave. I’m leaning into it. Hard.
And also, the flowers look great.
sunday shares: see + watch + cook + buy
Stop the presses — I cooked something (and wished I took a picture)
My daughters are home this weekend and we threw this Halfbaked Harvest Thai Turkey Chicken Meatballs together for dinner Friday night and it was delicious. Let me preface by saying that it was the LAST thing I felt like doing when I signed off from a hectic week at work at 6:00 Friday to then have to make dinner for the girls and my sister. And this is not exactly a recipe one person “throws” together, as it requires a lot of chopping. But if you have a bunch of extra hands, as I did, then it can come together pretty quickly and I’d say we were eating dinner about an hour later.
Some notes: I used ground chicken instead of turkey because it always seems a little less dry and the meatballs were very moist (*cringe*). And much to my dining companions’ chagrin, I opted for cauliflower rice instead of the brown rice I made for them because I’m not eating carbs (sorry). Finally, don’t opt out of the avocado salsa part, which was the true star of the meal.
Listening: The Testament of Mary
Recommended by women who I admire and fellow readers, I listened to this novella about the mother of Jesus by Colm Tobin and read by none other than America’s own blessed mother, Meryl Streep. I listened to and LOVED Tobin’s recent novel Long Island this summer and jumped when I heard about this story, which I have since learned also served as the basis for a one-woman show performed by the great Fiona Shaw. I’ll let her tell you what the story is about.
Reconciling the head and the heart
This winter I’ve been thinking a ton about my heart, and how my head often gets in the way. Like, my brain totally thinks it’s the boss of me and wants to dictate and tell stories about how everthing is and should be. My work lately has been figuring out how to circumvent that dumb brain and plug straight into me heart and what’s going on in there. As is often the case, The Universe serves up just what I need to help me in these endeavors, like leading to me to this recent post from Elizabeth Gilbert (please watch her chaotic and endearing video) and this powerful guided meditation from my beloved Sarah Blondin. Let’s show our brains who the true boss really is (hint: it’s your heart, silly).
what i can’t stop thinking about
This list of 9 Essential Truths from the writer Laura McKowen, which absolutely gutted me when I read them in her memoir, We Are the Luckiest, about a year before I stopped drinking. In particular: #6 You cannot do it alone and #7 Only you can do it. GAH
The fine print
What else is bringing me joy these days? First and foremost, my girl Glo on TikTok. I adore watching her make all sorts of coffee drinks and sweet treats. What a joy. Then there’s this story I heard on NPR about an NJ high school surf club that’s far from the Jersey Shore. Delightful. I can’t decide if I love the new NYTimes word game Strands. I like it when I’m done but need a TON of hints to get me there. When my girls arrived and I made a joke that I’d been wearing the same outfit for three days in a row, my daughter said, “No offense, but I think every time I’ve seen you lately you’ve been wearing that outfit.” Finally, do you guys follow my friend Megan on Instagram or here on Substack? Honestly, you should. She’s a photographer who lives in Maine and her photos and vibe and very pleasing and inspiring. Plus, she’s awesome.
Thanks for reading!
As always, thank you for taking the time to read this post. I’m truly so glad you’re here. If you like what you’re reading, please consider sharing this newsletter. (And if you have the time to like it or even better — comment — that would mean a lot to me!)
Such a great headline and "hobbling behind me like a doggie Keyser Soze." killed me! You are hilarious! xox
I was doing Strands for a while and forgot about it. I like Spelling Bee the best but often forget about that too!