It's all make believe
HRT, Godzilla and the Care Bears—all in one post. Plus: The perfect linen button down.
Greetings Midlifers:
How are you? TBH: I’m not quite sure how I am.
Case in point: Last night I dreamt about Godzilla. From what I can remember, I spent most of the dream running around preparing for the giant lizard to arrive and it wasn’t until the end, right before I woke up, that he appeared.
I could see its big lizard head looming above the trees of the forest I was somehow in, and thought I’d found the perfect place to hide — lying down in the back of a sedan (in the middle of a forest?). But as the monster approached, I realized that my hiding spot was directly in his path of destruction.
My first thought was: Why the heck is an almost-59-year-old-American-woman dreaming about Godzilla? But also, what makes me think it’s weird for a woman living in the U.S. to have dreams about the monster? Do Japanese women-of-a-certain-age worry about Godzilla (since that’s his country of origin)? Also, why do I know so much about Godzilla?
I mean, I did go by myself to the local AMC theater to see the most recent iteration of the giant lizard’s movie journey when it came out a year or two ago. Was it absolutely ridiculous? You bet. Did I love it? Of course.
My second thought after this sorta scary dream was: Was it the hormones?
The Godzilla dream coincided with my first dose of progesterone, which I took right before bed. I’ve started an HRT journey and after about a week of rubbing estrogen gel into my thigh each day, I added the progesterone last night (which is lol supposed to help me sleep).
So far, I can report that I’ve developed exactly three zits from the estrogen. After decades of trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to manage cystic acne triggered by fluctuations in hormones, I am not thrilled at my body’s response to their reentry into my system.
When the last of my hormones finally leaked out in my mid-50s, after years of ill-timed hot flashes in the middle of a date or night sweats that soaked my bed, I was not sad. I started sleeping through the night and my skin, finally, cleared up and I started lasering the hell out of it. I will add that the end of my menopause journey also coincided with my sobriety. So that could be another mitigating factor in my quality of life improvement.
But now, there are things that need attention and, according to my GYNO, hormones can help. So let’s see. I do know that I’m drawing the line at testosterone. She’s a troublemaker and is not allowed back in my hormone sandbox .
Midlifers: Am I late to the HRT party? Should I stick with it? Share your wisdom in the comments below!
As we round out the quarter and move into the second half of 2025, I’m also working through some personal upheaval. Old family wounds have bubbled up to the surface and sent me on a little bit of an emotional spiral this month. It’s like someone pressed PLAY on all the old stories, the ones that have been playing on a never-ending loop for decades in my head.
They’re like the Care Bears VHS tape stuck inside the TV in my early-2000s bedroom, one of those TVs that had the VCR built into it and somehow that tape got stuck in it and was the only one the kids could watch on it when they piled on my bed. An endless hellscape of singsongy colorful bears being all sweet and nice.
Luckily, I met with my therapist toward the end of the week who reminded me that those stories are just — stories. Like Godzilla, they are not real. Just a bunch of things I tell myself marching around breathing fire in a rubber lizard suit inside my head.
Toward the end of my dream last night, as I could feel the car quake from the monster’s footsteps and watched it move closer through the treetops, I reminded myself that it wasn’t real. Somehow, underneath the panic I felt under the threat of being crushed in the back of an old Buick Regal, I knew I was stuck inside a dream. That the impending danger was make believe.
This is something I am trying to do in real life when all the old thoughts are swirling inside my head. To slow them all down and remind myself what is actually true.
To take back control.
I’m tired of giving my power away to all the things that no longer serve me. Relationships. Unchecked hormones. Outdated stories.
Just like in that dream last night, I can sit up in the back of the car of been hiding in and say, “This isn’t real.”
And wake up.
What I’m wearing
On Thursday, I worked from home and rotated through four different outfits due to heat, discomfort and vanity. The final option, which I wore to get my hair color fixed after work, was a navy linen button down and my trusty Old Navy barrel jeans. My hair diva, Lorraine, asked where I got the top, so now I know it’s cool and am sharing with all of you. I bought it last year but Nordstrom still has it in a few different colors and at a pretty decent price.
What I’m reading
I spent most of yesterday afternoon on my porch, splayed out on my new couch, gobbling up Annabel Monaghan’s newest book, It’s a Love Story. I read half and hope to finish the rest before the weekend is over. What is it with me and romance novels? I’m not quite sure. The story is fun and breezy and a great escape from the neither fun nor breezy reality of my job or the news.
What I’m watching
Sigh. I’m slowly making my way through the final season of The Handmaid’s Tale. While I really loved the show when it arrived during a very tumultuous time in our country, and worried I was steps away from becoming a Martha, the story has been dragged out maybe a season or two too long. I am committed to seeing it though to the end but also really trying not to hate June.
What I’m obsessed with right now
Are you kidding me? Banana-flavored iced lattes from Batch in Manasquan. Twice in one week. Who knew this was the perfect flavor combination?
My new passion. Do you know passion flowers? My friend, Judy, introduced me to them and when I stumbled upon one for sale this spring, scooped one up for me and one for my sister. We’ll have to bring them inside for the winter so TBD.
Show offs. The hydrangea I see walking around town lately are popping off (as the kids say). Every color and variety seems to be having the equivalent of a good hair day, every day.
Thanks for reading! If you’re feeling generous, please give a little *heart* below.
See you next week!
xoAmy
Hydrangeas are being big-time show offs this year and I’m loving it. Love the connection between Godzilla and stories we tell ourselves!
After a year on HRT I am still trying to get the balance right (because of bleeding issues), otherwise I feel great and am on all 3. (Don’t discount testosterone!) So many benefits to being on hormones, there was and still is so much misinformation out there. It’s so frustrating, I had to switch doctors because the one I had gone to for years was NOT up to speed on the research. My advice would be to at least give it a good chance, and you might have to play around with dosages to get it right.