On girls' getaways and the value of friendship
I'm in Charleston, SC this weekend and being reminded of just why we work on our relationships.
Greetings Midlifers and hello from Charleston, SC!
I am typing this from my bed in a charming Airbnb in the city’s downtown before our second full day in this (unexpectedly) lovely gem of a city. Charleston really does live up to the hype, y’all. We’ve eaten the best meals that I have had in a very long time and spent most of yesterday just wandering around and freaking out about every home we walked by. The brick. The ivy. The gaslit lanterns flickering alongside front doors. It’s a middle-aged woman’s dream trip.
I am traveling with a group of three other women who have gone on many fun girls’ getaways over the years together. Maine. The Catskills. Long Island’s North Fork. One year we flew to Newfoundland and spent four days running around that magnificent part of the world and making loads of new friends. As we boarded the boat to go on a whale tour on the last day, the man welcoming folks aboard over a microphone announced, “And here are the housewives from New Jersey.” I’m telling you, we can make an impression.
Somewhere along the way, we dubbed ourselves the Ladycationers, and the name has stuck. It’s what we call our group text and Splitwise and my kids know just who I mean when I say I’m going somewhere with the Ladycationers.
This trip was inspired by a band we all like and had talked about going to see them perform but the timing was never right. Then we saw Lake Street Dive was playing in Charleston and it seemed like a good excuse to see a show and a new city. So here we are.
The trip also comes on the heels of me thinking a lot about friendship lately, and this week I found out I am not alone. Many of us are struggling with not just making those connections but keeping them strong. I asked the question in this week’s “Asking for a friend” whether we all just think we don’t have any friends, and readers chimed in not just to say they were struggling, but some who shared how they nurtured and maintained friendships.
One such Midlifer even shared a TedTalk about building “frientemacy,” which I found really interesting because it reminded me that one of the biggest factors in friendships — not just people to go to the movies with but those folks who are there for you when the chips are down — is consistency. It’s why those friendships when we were younger and in school were so easy and also the ones we make with coworkers.
I’ve been reminded over the last few days how much those connections feed me. My three travel companions are very similar in many ways, but also very different. But I think the one common denominator is that we’re all good at going with the flow. Our time together is just easy because no one has an agenda. There’s never any tension and deciding what to do on our getaways is just easy. Honestly, even picking our vacation destinations is non-controversial. One of the girls doesn’t really even know who Lake Street Dive is, but was like “Sure!” when we floated the idea of coming here to see them.
We have had lots of fun roaming around Charleston but I have to say, my favorite part is when we are back at the Airbnb lounging around and talking. We break down current events and fret about the state of younger generations. But we also feel comfortable enough to open up and share about our own lives and what keeps us up at night. I know I can say absolutely anything to them and not feel judged or afraid they would tell anyone else. I feel like we are in a cone of friendship.
In fact, I think that’s happening right now. If I had to guess, the three of them are sitting in the living room, hands curled around coffee cups, laughing about last night. Or talking about their kids. Or maybe expressing fear about what we’re seeing in the news headlines. It doesn’t matter. We are all here for it. And I’m going to go down to engage with them and be there for it all.
sunday shares: read + watch + cook + buy
Some great advice (if that’s what you’re looking for). Recently, I heard this little tidbit on a podcast and it really resonated. When someone comes to me with a problem, often my first impulse is to help that person solve it by giving advice. But as someone who has been on the other end of that dynamic, I know that often, that’s not what I’m looking for. Usually, I know exactly how to solve whatever the problem it is that I’m complaining about. Most of the time I just want to feel seen. So instead of jumping in to try to fix whatever it is someone is sharing, instead we should offer the three Hs and ask, “Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?” How great is that?
Speaking of connections. Are you guys as addicted as I am to The NYTimes game Connections? It is absolutely addictive. You get 16 words and have to group them in fours into four categories. You get a new puzzle every day and sometimes, they same so easy, and other times — impossible! My daughter and I are sending each other our daily scores and I hate when she beats me.
See you next Sunday!
xoAmy
helped, heard or hugged ... love this. You always teach me something new xoxo
I want to be a Ladycationer! Also love connections! Play that and wordle every morning.