What I wish I'd known before my son's wedding in Paris

What the photos didn't show. Plus: Bags that kept me organized and wrinkle-free.

Gah. What an icon.

Happy Sunday, Midlifers,

Last night, at a party, I happened to chat with two different moms who have daughters planning weddings.

“What do we need to know?” they asked.
“Did it all go okay?”
“How do you even prepare for something like that?”

I told them the truth:
It will all work out.

What I didn’t say — but have been thinking about ever since — is that in the weeks leading up to my own son’s wedding in Paris over Memorial Day Weekend, I wasn’t so sure of that. I was equal parts excited, nervous and (tbh) overwhelmed.

First, I was hosting a dinner cruise along the Seine the night before the wedding for the 15 of us that I did not feel 100% about on about 10 different levels. Even after extensive internet detective work, I had questions: Was this going to be really cheesy? Would the food be terrible? Would the boat be ratchet? Would it feel special?

In the end — despite the language barrier and seemingly laissez faire attitude about reservation confirmations — it was lovely and special. Like a wedding reception at a very nice banquet hall slowly moving down the Seine. And the food was weirdly delicious and we did not look out of place all dressed up.

It turns out, being the mother-of-the-groom is also an excellent opportunity to practice staying in one’s own lane. To quell the urge to take over and give opinions. I HAVE SO MANY AMAZING OPINIONS. But that’s probably good advice for mothers-of-the-bride since in the end, this is not OUR wedding. Dang.

Other worries jamming me up leading up to our departure:

• Wedding-related dresses and how to pack them without wrinkling

• Um, you can’t use your Shark or Dyson hair tools in Europe.

• Planning the itinerary for the FULL trip to Paris/Amsterdam

• Logistics: getting from all the Point As to Point Bs during the week (a flight to Amsterdam from Paris, metros, walking in high heels)

• Being so caught up in details and wanting everything to be perfect that I’d be unable to plug into the moments that matter

At one point, especially with work being super work-y, I said to someone that I wished they were just getting married in Jamaica. A beach destination seemed so much more relaxed. I really just wanted to collapse on a lounge chair.

Now, back home, I keep thinking about what I would tell myself if I could go back in time. If I could whisper something to the version of me who was still packing, still worrying, still wondering how it would all turn out.

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If I could go back and whisper something to myself…

I’d say:

• Don’t obsess over the details. The real magic happens when things come together organically. Like after Googling hair tools to bring with me or “where to get my hair blown out in Paris,” I just decided to see what happened. I mean, I even forgot to pack a hair brush or comb. And wouldn’t you know, there was a hair salon next door to our Airbnb. You do your due diligence and then let it all unfold.

• Let other people help. You don’t have to carry the emotional weight and the umbrellas. It turns out, my adult daughters are really good at making vacation plans and some of our best meals were sourced by them.

• There will be a moment — probably during the ceremony — when time will stop. You’ll stop thinking. You’ll just feel. You’ll see your son looking deeply at someone and brimming with love and you’ll feel so much joy that he’s found his someone. That’s the one that will stay with you.

• Leave room to be surprised. By how your son looks at his partner. By all the tourists floating by on cruise boats and cheering for the couple during the ceremony even though the Eiffel Tower was waving to them from the opposite bank. By how deeply you feel it all — even the part you thought you had braced for.

• You won’t regret saying yes to any of it. The memory of the experience — the beauty, the joy, even the chaos — will always outweigh the anxiety that came before it.

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I didn’t know how it would all unfold. I tried to plan for everything — the weather, the dinner menu, the jet lag. But the moments that mattered most weren’t on the timeline.

So yes — to any parent whose kid is in the throes of planning a wedding — it will all work out. Maybe not perfectly, but meaningfully. Which is even better.

The suitcase that had my back

Wait. Look at the monogrammed packing cubes my girlfriend gave me for Christmas #fancy.

Before a big work conference my company was hosting in 2023, I purchased this larger suitcase for checking for my five-night stay in San Diego requiring a slew of outfit changes. Obvs, it’s a Wirecutter top pick.

Fast forward two years, and WHO KNEW that it included a built-in garment folder for formalwear? My dress for the wedding was a gorgeous silk Zimmerman number that came in a crumpled ball in an envelope from Neiman Marcus. I went to some fancy local menswear store to see if they’d steam it for me and they directed me to the cleaner they use and trust. I ended up keeping the dress in the plastic cleaning bag and slipped it with the dinner cruise dress (my navy color is sold out) into a garment back on got on Amazon and deployed the suitcase’s garment folder the night before we left. As soon as we got to our Airbnb, I hung them up and they were perfect. ;)

The Ziploc bag upgrade

Ever since I had my fourth child and ditched the diaper bag, I have been dedicated to carrying everything around in Ziplocs instead. While roaming around my local Target in the weeks leading up to the trip, I spied these babies on the rack and used them to hold makeup, meds and carry-on essentials (tissues/hand lotion/”lip goo” — as my children call my tiny pots of Laneige lip balm).

A Vera Bradley Renaissance

So into the interior and nice change from all my black. Vera Bradley for the win.

My son and I were cruising the outlets looking for stuff for him to wear in Europe when something in the window at the Vera Bradley outlet caught my eye. About 20-minutes later I was walking out of the store with this carry on bag and the amazing cord organizer below.

They don’t have my jazzy print any more but this is quite nice and there’s always plain old black.

Buy a magical selfie stick

Take as many weird pics as you'd like.

I bought my daughter a selfie stick for Christmas and when we were in Paris she was like, “TBH I thought it was so weird and heavy and then I realized it could do this,” and she started pulling the thing from either end and suddenly, legs appeared. We pulled that tripod out throughout the trip and took pictures of ourselves with its remote control clicker. So fun.

Merci beaucoup

Thank you always for reading! Consider upgrading to a paid subscription (see below) to access all posts. In the meantime, share with pals, comment (I LOVE to hear from you!) and have a great week. I’ll see you on Friday.

xoAmy