Staying full when the nest is empty

Buying $75 worth of Greek yogurt for myself. Plus: Awesome puffer coat.

My youngest kid drove back to school last Sunday to finish out his final semester of college. It so happens that I had also inadvertently bought tickets to see a Broadway show on the same day of his departure so was not around to say good bye IRL.

But that morning, I’d driven to the airport to pick him up from a red eye he’d taken home from skiing out West for his brother’s bachelor party weekend. There is nothing more calm and peaceful on a Sunday morning than trying to navigate the roadways around Newark Airport packed with Uber drivers from, like, Edison and the Outer Boroughs driving like we were in an episode of Squid Games.

After scooping him up from Terminal C, we chatted on the almost-hourlong drive home and then he went right to bed. So, when I went into his room before I left for the city, he barely opened to say good bye. When I came home later that night, the bed was made and his desk had been emptied of the big PC that usually dominated it along with anything else he’d piled on there over the holiday break. When I walked into the room that night, there were just some Legos on a nearby shelf looking back at me. I walked out and closed the door behind me.

What’s left behind.

This will be one of the longest stretches I’ve gone without a kid living at home. My son is going away for Spring Break in March so won’t be back in that little bedroom until he finishes out his classes in May. I’m sure I’ll have the older kids visiting here or there (I have the oldest kid here this weekend), but essentially it will be a lot of Empty Nesting for the next 5-6 months.

Before he left, we’d started eating our dinners together each night in front of the TV watching Modern Family. He would always balk whenever I suggested we sit at the table or kitchen counter together to eat dinner. He’d tell me he wasn’t hungry and wait until later. That I should just go ahead and eat without him. But then I’d see him eating later watching TV. At some point I asked if I could join him, and now that’s what we do. It helps when you land on a show you both enjoy and Modern Family really fits the bill. I LOL at least 3 times every episode. But it reminded me the importance of meeting kids where they are instead of insisting on my way as best. For instance, that eating together at a table and not talking is more proper than sitting and laughing together watching a funny TV show. Cam and Mitchell inspired a lot more conversation than any “How was your day?” line-of-questioning.

Ironically, on Monday night I actually had nothing to make for dinner. I ordered a bunch of staples from Wegman’s to get me through the week and drove to the store to pick up the order after work. I pulled up and a nice woman came out with my order in the shopping cart and loaded them into the back of my Clown Car and when I got home, put away about $75 worth of Greek yogurt. I finished unpacking and then stood at the kitchen counter and ate a bunch of rice crackers and garlic hummus for my dinner.

Empty Nesting at its finest.

It’s always an adjustment when I find myself fending for just myself. As is my nature (see: Clown Car above), I generally tend to OVER correct during transitional times. My plan is to go into the upcoming work week with foods prepped in the frig so I’m eating healthier meals at the end of the day and not chips n’ dip.

Unlike a lot of other moms, my runway to a full and final Empty Nest has been a long one. With four kids spread out over 10 years, there’s been a lot of coming and going since my oldest went to college in 2011. I’ve had a lot of time to adjust to life alone.

As it stands right now, my son will move back in with me for a while after graduation so full and complete Empty Nesting isn’t on the docket in 2025. And maybe that’s not the worst thing.

I try to imagine what life will be like when he moves out for good. How I will feel looking out toward the future from inside the rocket ship I’ve been riding in. Staring off into the endlessness of space as the kids detach, one after the other zooming off in different directions. Then it’s just me, alone, like the George Clooney character in that movie Gravity who ends up getting sucked up into the vacuum of darkness. Untethered and just drifting off through space and time.

Knowing in the back of my mind that there’s still coming and going helps anchor me. It gives me time to make sure I’m still connected to the spaceship (what is that in this metaphor?). So that instead of Clooney, I’m the Sandra Bullock character who hurtles through outerspace in a firey escape ship that parachutes into the ocean. She sheds her spacesuit and swims to the surface and makes her way to land to finally stand up and beginning to walk.

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3 things I loved this week

A really good coat.

I get a TON of compliments on a random long puffer I bought a few years ago during a post-holiday shopping frenzy. I was looking for a warm coat and ordered a few online and only after I placed this order did I realize that it was coming from overseas (China) and I don’t think I could return it. It just seemed really sketchy and took a long time to arrive. But weirdly, it’s awesome and everytime I wear it, someone compliments me on it. I went into our local Bungalow Road boutique and the gals liked it so much they asked to see the label so they could order it.

Another trip around the Earth

When I first tried to read Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth 15 years ago, I might as well have tried reading the Koran in its original Arabic. It just did not make sense. But a lot has changed since 2008 or 2009 — whenever I first gave it a shot. I am older and wiser and understand life a little more. So I was super interested in Oprah’s recent announcement that she’d picked the book (again) for her book club and she’s breaking it down in conversations with the author, chapter by chapter. I tried just listening to the audiobook (haha driving to Newark Airport), but it’s a lot. There’s so much to take in and understand. I’m going to watch some of the Oprah videos to help digest.

5-4-3-2-1

Anyone else catch the Mel Robbins interview on the Skinny Confidential podcast? I was walking with a (much-younger) coworker this week who’d also heard it and agreed that our girl Mel was on fire. There were SO many good takeaways from the conversation (I love her whole “Let Them” theory, which is really kinda Codependent No More stuff). But what I really implemented this week was the 5-second rule approach to starting my day (about 7 minutes-ish into podcast episode). TBH, I am a HUGE snooze-button person. I hit it so many times that sometimes it’s like: why bother? But this week, I put the phone in the bathroom and when it went off at 5 a.m., I IMMEDIATELY got out of bed to start my day.

SHARE: How do you start your day?

No, seriously, I am such a copycat, I want to know. I am trying to start the new year with better AM/PM protocols. I am not the type to just rocket into the start of my day. I need to ease in with meditating or writing or workouts. But I don’t always have a set routine, which leaves me floundering a bit when I do get out of bed at 5 a.m. To help, I am trying to implement a nighttime routine that includes mapping out what the early morning will look like. Anyone else do this? Please share what works for you.

Thanks for reading!

I’ve missed you guys and excited to be back to share a little of what’s been going on. At a few gatherings with friends around the holidays, more than a few women told me they missed knowing what to buy at Old Navy during my sabbatical. LOL

As always, thank you for taking the time to read this post. I’m truly so glad you’re here. If you like what you’re reading, please consider sharing this newsletter. (And if you have the time to like it, that would mean a lot to me!)