Making room for what matters

My birthday is this week and I'm clearing away some noise. PLUS: straw hats + summer uniforms.

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Hello Mid-lifers,

For my birthday this week (58!), I’m giving myself the gift of space — in my head and in my day. Clearing the decks so I can find time to devote to the things that matter to me.

For the next two weeks (for now), I’m staying away from screens — in particular the TV and my phone. Often, the hours after I sign off from work are a blur of Netflix and Instagram until I make my way up to bed, and then I throw in some TikTok. I mean, not always and it’s not non-stop, but there are better ways I could be spending my time without those distractions.

There’s so much more I want to accomplish before I turn 59.

And honestly, I’m always better when things I’m trying to quit just aren’t on the table any more. When I no longer have a choice. I think that’s why I’ve been so good at sobriety — or at least the “not drinking” part. I made a decision I was not going to drink at all, not only on Saturdays or only with other people or not vodka. And I’ve stuck to it for almost four years.

Maybe this year I’ll learn how to take a proper selfie.

In particular, I’m trying to eliminate decisions in general from my early-morning and after-work routines. I had complained to my therapist that there are so many things I wanted to fit into my life — meditation, breath work and writing — but I just didn’t have the time.

I mean, don’t say that shit to a therapist. Or at least, don’t say it to mine because she will very gently remind you of all the time there is in the day, even aside from the 8ish you spend down in the mines of Corporate America with your digital pickaxe, to get stuff done. She will look at you from her well-appointed office you can see on your Zoom screen and exude all the love and peace in the world for you and then annihilate your current system of living. She will point out that just the way you’ve developed a twice-daily routine of brushing your teeth, you can also cultivate a meditation practice and also — and most importantly — find lots of time to write that book you’ve been working on for lo these last 2.5 years.

So, here’s what some of that looks like:

·      Unwind after work not on my couch watching a show and eating dinner, but instead listening to a book or podcast and then taking a walk.

·      Implement a digital sunset with all devices. That means that when I go upstairs an hour before bedtime, I don’t bring my phone into my bedroom and use my Hatch clock thing on my nightstand as my alarm.

·      I used to push back about the no-phone-in-room thing — “OH, I’m a mother. What if someone needs me at 3 a.m.?” — until one of the kids actually DID need me this summer, he kept texting and calling for me to let him in the house, and ended up sleeping in his car until I got up to start my day at 5 a.m.

·      Because I want to wake up at 5:00 and also feel well rested, I’ve set my lights out at 9 p.m.

·      I go upstairs at 8:00, do a little bit of breathwork and then read before lights out.

·      At 5 a.m. I get up and do a quick breath thing and meditate and then write until 7 a.m. except on Tuesday and Thursday when I work out at 6:30 a.m.

·      Rinse and repeat.

Sounds great, right? So relaxing and productive. But so far its implementation has been kinda shiite. I went for a long walk with a girlfriend on Thursday night that got me into bed way past 9:00. And last night I couldn’t put down some frothy romance book I’ve been blowing through on my Kindle and didn’t turn lights out until 10:30.

And don’t get me started on the wake up routine. I feed absolutely drugged in the morning and without thinking, hit SNOOZE 20 times. I’m going to go back to having Alexa set a reminder every day at 5 a.m. to say, “Amy, this is your life.” Whenever I’ve done that in the past, it gets me right out of bed.

And maybe that’s the key right there, remembering that this is my actual life and it is a finite thing. And while I also want more joy and happiness and connection — all things I am also working on — I also don’t want any giant regrets on the ol’ deathbed.

I’ve made so many changes, blown so many things up, to live a life that’s more like me. To understand who I am and what I want and then try to live a life that reflects that. Like, it would be dumb to stop now.

I’ll keep you posted!

I’d LOVE to hear how you guys make time for things or have cultivated early morning or bedtime routines that are working for you. In particular, how you STICK to them! Share in the comments below.

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sunday shares: read + watch + cook + buy

Back to Maine. I flew through J. Courtney Sullivan’s The Cliffs this week. I’d picked the hardcover up at a local bookstore when I was in Maine last month, mostly because of the setting (a small coastal town in the state). What I didn’t realize was that the protagonist would also struggle with alcohol abuse. I got a kick out of her observation that after sharing what her drinking had looked like at a recovery meeting, not one person was like, “Hey, I think you’re in the wrong place.” LOL

SALE ALERT. Guys, my absolute favorite pants from Everlane are on sale. I wear them all year long and always get compliments. I’ve been waiting for this to snap up another pair. I have them in bone (see above) and think I also want them in navy. Or kalamata. Or both. 20% off!

My summer uniform. I am in love with Old Navy’s button down boyfriend shirt and wear it 4 days a week (I have in white and blue pinstripe). Over a tank top, with linen pants. It’s never not perfect. Also, I bought this dress from Everlane in early spring and decided it didn’t fit and then never returned it. Recently, I got the tags off and started throwing it on and get SO MANY COMPLIMENTS. I bought a medium and wish I got it in small because it’s really roomy but for some reason, the people don’t seem to mind that.

What I really wanted was this one from Target, but it’s been sold out.

My new sombrero. Guys, I’m crazy for these straw hats and finally snapped one up at the Red Bank sidewalk sale yesterday. Even not on sale, it was $35 at Cabana 19. With the sale (and a pair of stud earrings) I paid about $15. If you’re not from these parts, here are some other good options.

I’m into this one from Amazon.

Here’s one from Amazon for $35.

These personalized ones are so fun.

I keep looking at these more pricy straw hats from Glampwear that you can personalize.

Even Oprah loves a straw hat.

And this number made it to Oprah’s Favorite Things list.

THANK YOUUUUUUU for reading. Really, you guys are the best. As always, thank you for taking the time to read this post. I’m truly so glad you’re here.

If you like what you’re reading, please consider sharing this newsletter. (And if you have the time to like it, that would mean a lot to me!) Your support is sooooo appreciated.

See you next Sunday, xoAmy.